Corner of the room

a thought lies in the corner of the room
it is like the one the million things we dont use but we love to keep
there is this memory in the corner of the room
it lies there wrapped in tears and smiles
there lies on the other end of the room
a self which is devoid of the tears and smiles
there lies these million thoughts as a clouds
yet they are not clouding my mind
am I living or i am just existing
was not this life i was running away from
didn't i want a life to be living not existing
there are these thoughts and memories from the corner of the room
shouting at me where am i where is the beautiful dreams
which i dreamt from this life,
there is ingredients of the perfect life then why i am just breathing
the magic is within but they are trapped in those thought of "being" in the corner of the room
gathering dust those memories are just in the past why arent new memories recreated in this moment
why am i just living like this...
i want to see the sun rather i will see the sun in this cold night
i shall feel the warmth not those thoughts of the past but of now
where is the fire which never got tired
where is the fireplace in the corner of the room which chuckled thoughts and popped new ones out, melted the memories and created new shapes
where is the lil corner of the room where i am me and not this thing i dont like to be
where is the inspiration this is the life i always wanted to live then why i am not living
i want to live and not gather dust i want to run till my heels catches fire
i want to jump so high that i catch the star
i want to lie down under to the open sky and see the fire which ignites my days
yet all i see an empty cold room of shattered thoughts and memories which i am tired off
lets create time, lets make time to be for me not to waste the moment in despair
lets light up the fire with a wood of thoughts and passion of fire....

cant write anymore

The familiar touch of your hand
those beautiful eyes warming up my soul
the soft hug embracing the lost soul
the world transpire to be a warm home for the lost weary traveling soul
for the million thoughts and moments and deaths alone
the dream in my eyes live through the touch
there is hope which i have not seen before
there are the dancing angels and the vanishing devils of the mind
is it love or more?
do I know what I used to know?
These world translate in newer dimension than ever before
there are thoughts there are feeling there is overwhelming
the road ahead becomes warm and the cold past hazy in the fog
the heart in love moves along...

the more I live the more I see the fickle lil mind
the more it wants to play the more it wants to explore
the more I live the more I have to settle
the more I settle the more it is unsettling
the walls are closing in, the thought is windows are shutting out
the more they come closer the more my mind plays
these walls are my imagination but in my imagination there is a bigger imagination of the mind
there is a shit lot of confusion, why are there these walls closing, if at all why are these walls
walls why do we built, to protect, I guess here to constrict our lives I dont know where this goes
may be it is just the shackles of the imagination which imagines the rust, the flavour of bondage, the smell of the rotting skins, are we really tied am I really obligated to the million walls and lines of my mind, but we only understand freedom when we see none, to understand freedom why am I doing this, I am free then why go back to bondage of your mind not others
this sounds funny when i write down...
lets live I am just being stupid :D

random thoughts

Trains of thoughts entangle and grow far apart
so apart that they never seemed know each other
the constant joint and deflect thoughts and emotions
arouse a sense of continuity and disjoints
there is soo much we feel in a moment, the breeze in the air
the sweet smell of nectar, the taste of the morning dew
yet we are so far away from the simpler things
why complicate whenthe moment is simple, why do they touch our heart
and the mind brushes away in a million complications...
here I sit smiling as I ride away in a new thought finding its way... 
 

When efforts don't translate
When words don't say what is meant
When life is less than just breathing in and out
When we are caught up in dilemmas of the past and the present
When the future look bleak plagued with hopelessness
When many-a-things don't make sense
These are the times when the mind wanders in the darkest places
Blows the candles on its way, there is the search for the one light which doesn't blow away
the heart misses that one light and warmth which makes it all right again
why is she far away!?!

conversation with myself...

many thoughts come to my head,
what I have dreamed and dreaded 
what I have hoped and never wished
what I loved and always hated
where I have moved, where I could be
what I could have done and what should be
there is a difference between I am where I could be
there is a wedge between what I think and what I say
what I do and what I care
where is a huge storm in my head whipping up about the life as we see
there is this chase why why am not happy when I won a race
why is there an emptiness within which is eating me away
why do I see a problem where are none
is this mind searching for new problems as it did always
I don't why is there a complication which in the first place shouldn't be there
why I am writing and not just thinking
why I am thinking and just not studying
why I living here and wishing I was not living here
when will there be the warm home in the green mountains and clear blue sky
I want to see my comforting smile living with me in that house
when there will be my cup of tea and I shall smile and read
when there be the bliss of the cigarette I smoked for the first time
when will I hit the high of a lifetime and not care
why do I worry when there is none to worry 
why there is a madness in my world and calmness all around
why is there an impression in my head and others of what is not me
what am I, I am not a puzzle but a case with simple wants
why I convoluting  life when ti simple
I breathe hence I live, I love hence I grow, I study hence I travel
canvas of my life is comfortably a random walk,
but beyond the theory of chaos these are storms which I have whipped
in my head and beyond....
why do people not see the simple me,
I want to cry and laugh, I want to smile and be happy
I want my simple life back, actually I have my simple life back
you dont need goals you need to enjoy life
live and not exists far too long in these million goals some yours some of others
the thing which repulsed you the most you became that
you evaluating rather living
this is not the life you imagined to be
it is the very web you wanted to be away from
life makes sense when you are peace
you are not at peace with your own self
who are you - the earliest memory of you in me
is the man who smiled and played with his imaginary battles
where is the tipu sultan who traveled and conqured
where is the boy which was always special to me
where is the imagination which never knew a bound
why have you bounded yourself soo much that you are even scared to think
you are living you are fighting the lines you have drawn in your mind
lines of evaluation, lines where you could be happy, lines where you should be happy
lets erase these lines lets imagine, lets be with people and see the beauty they offer and not the horrors
where is that little prithijit mukherjee
what did the world do to him
you are away from that world i have little prithi back
i want that smile i want to play football on the terrace of kalkaji apartment
whom i did not judge as i judge today
i should talk infinitely about my head thinks
I should be with people I love and adore
i should stop judging that is what you hated the most when people did that to you
why these infinite assumptions when all it yields is a black box of failure you so loved and cared
you thought you were failure because others thought you were
today you are a success to norms but a failure to yourself if you keep on living like this
Prithi I want that you back, I want that smile, I want that warm person who cared and not questioned
Prithi this is who you always were and you should be always
dont loose yourself we know how beautiful life is when it is you
the sunset finds a meaning so does the sunrise
the days make sense and not pass in a whiff
this is all I want Prithi to be yourself to be the first thought you were
to simple and to be happy!
you dont need the world as dictated by your lines
you need the world to be itself and find the nice place which it always had for you
dont move away from the smile, dont loose yourself in anger
be back away from the shell of lines to living!

Some random thoughts

Our mind eternally waits for the bliss which we never seems to reach,
Our heart wants to see the beauty which is here but stuck in our imagination of the past and the present,
the reality is the beauty which our eyes sees and our skin feels,
it is much like the beauty of music there the dancing imaginary notes is a dance of angels, the skins wakes up to the beats, the tongue taste the sweet nectar...
 the beauty in our lives is what is here now! it is the setting sun, the falling leaves, the changing seasons, the glowing moon, it is the kiss of love, it is freshness of everyday companionship gives up, it is the feeling of longing and belonging which completes us...
 life is not as complicated as our minds makes it to be, it is indeed simple, it what we see not what we want to see, not what we want to hear, in the expectations of ought we miss the music of the presents we forget to sway to the beats, we forget to love and dance with the one we love in the times we love the most!
the present is beauty I wish it never ends!

 

Life

the sprinkle of emotions
the trickles of tears of joy
the dilemma of the leaving and staying back
the sunset and the beautiful dark nights
the moonstruck days and clouded skies
the zing of cinnamon in coffee and the zest of lemon in tea
the faint fragrance of flowers and books
the music of the leaves and song of the rains
there are more and there are less
whatever there are I shall leave it for the rest!

Why do I?

Why do I breathe, every breath is a step closer to death
Why do I walk, when every step is harder than the next
Why do I sleep, when it is a nightmare in which I live
Why do I dream, when they are meant to be shattered
Why do I hope, when they are never meant to be true
Why do I write, when nothing new comes by.............

fire..

run there is a fire
hope, dream, joys desires all in the pyre
there is smoke and haze and I choke
don't know where I am heading,  no where I am heading
There was once the sunny hills which gave me the thrills
today there is only fire, caught up in the pyre...

Wants....

I dont want to complain,
I dont want to crib,
I dont want to blame others for my fallen dreams,
I dont want to claim others as my own,
I dont want to be mean, sarcastic and truculent,
I dont want to be superhero
I dont want to break a yardstick and stick up my ass in the process
I dont want to be someone's unrealised dreams
I dont want to be someone's incomplete memories,

All I want is no false claim of support,
All I want is no false claim of love,
All I want is no false claim of family, relations and emotional taunts,
All I want is to be let alone,
All I want is a comrade to walk by and not raid me,
All I want is to be free,
All I want is not be judged,
All I want is not be interfered,
All I want is a simple desire, a desire just to be me... 

Looking within...

The whole question of purpose of life
is so counter-purposeful if we knew
then why we live to work towards a goal
avoid the zillion question for the validity of that goal
is there really a purpose or just it is make believe
in the system of all lives to be purposeful
to be evaluate in the societal  of successes and failures
the question the obvious seems pretty not so obvious
cause it is evident, never questioned we were born
and then came the goals, goal to stop crying when
parents ask to, to poop in a pot, to learn to walk
to learn to speak, "to do" a zillion before you even have
your first thought, it seems natural as a part of being to do
those who do not do or questions are the hermits and rebels
never a part of the social order
why is it soo criminal not to do, to not a have purpose
why is it soo criminal just to live, not be judged
did someone really choose to fail I hardly believe so
I am not question for I running away from this rat race
but then why this race in the first place
why this purpose when the best moments of life is when
I never had a purpose when I gazed when I wrote
like I write today there is a purpose to challenge probably
writing my shitiest best but then why this purpose
it is baffling to just to see the rush in everyday life the
zillion things around we just lose a grip over ourself
the question what do I want, god knows may be even not he
before I could think of that question I was ticking on the
various "to-do" lists which were set
by the time I thought it was important to love by then
having a partner was a "to-do" Do we really do?
why is infidelity look down upon why does this society wants order
why is there fundamental rights of freedom but no free will
there are million boundaries defined within I am set free,
why is it so absurd to think, I could spend a lifetime travelling
observing, sketching, writing, clicking pictures why I always
think to follow the heart to not being 'responsible' is wrong
is it that inner voice, I do not think so atleast logically
it is my inner voice it should at the least be in confidence to
the inner wants. Or may be doing all of these is just my
illusion of a better me, sitting at the office desk is safe
for me I never have to tread in these new paths for I have done
decently in the "societal" walk of life
everytime I think about a relationship a commitment to myself or to others
I never can commit, why is it binding when I am aware
am in a deeper bind of life that what my dreams would bind
This yet again bring back to the question what is my "purpose"
what is worth a shout? what is worth a rebel? what is worth my time?
why all the value proposition when I am just trying to live today
for tomorrow may or may not knock my doors
may be it is comfortable to blame others and in the hope to find the "answer"
to the ultimate question of life I can vile away time
may be it is time to live, time to stop answering, time to stop questioning
time to feel, I  do not know I hope this stays with me...

Not a "suitable" boy

I never wore a suit fearing it would never suit,
never did a thing against for I thought it would hurt them
never did them proud, never got a pat
sometimes I wish and I wonder it would have meant the world
is all I ponder...

Never walked the road which was easy for I thought it is not adventurous
repeated every mistake many time but never ceased to wonder
tried by best to 'be' but they never let me 'be'

Never drove thought it was'nt mine can't bash it up
bashed up my life never cared twice
in fragments of questions of whom to be and whom not to be

I sit and wonder will there be ever a suit which will suit
a thought which would linger on as long as I ponder
a road interesting to walk and not be killed and battered
will there ever be a house where I can turn in and never wander 

why hold back...

Its once we live then why die every moment
why die in the weight of others ambitions
why pose questions for which the answer always leads to misery
why doubt yourself when you are all you have to live with
why to run away from oneself when there are others to run from
why repeat the same mistake and never learn from them
why get tied to chains and bounds, why not live free
why to prick yourself to feel alive, when there is a life waiting within and outside
why not travel within and out to sail and discover
this is the only life I have I dont want to die till I cover all that my heart desires

circles

Dreams, aspirations, no one around and I
lingers eternally  in the world I live
May be I am not special, as I think I am in my head,
may be it is time to give up and get back to mundane grind,
the hollow around is gulping me alive
not a place to run to and no where to hide
there is light all around but the darkness is bursting within
where is the home I longed forever
where is the warmth which makes all this cold silence disappear
where is the touch which makes you feel alive
where is the light which I once saw now has disappeared
without any of it, I rather be mundane than living a dead
I am tired of the gloom and the darkness within
it is leading no where just a circle of memories
which I move around and dispair, to live is to feel
what could I possibly feel when it is soo cold in here
I don't want to burn in this ice fire
seeing everyday pass whining moaning for things which are not here
they were never here but I wished them to be
where are they lost or I never saw them in the wish them to appear
all I the rights, the wrong, the do and the don't , the theory of morality
what good it is, if it bind my soul to this coldness
why this arrogance, that life is not good for me
have I done enough or explored or given enough to life to conclude it to be
the songs do not make any sense, I felt love but walked right out of there
I wish I could say all I had stuck in my head but nothing came out but
the veil of arrogance, jokes and fears words do matter but I never cared
to feel and to express lies a journey within I am scared to wither
the procrastination  has to end, but i dont know how, may be I fear
for it is the misery whom I ever related to, the failure, the piles of regret
all I related to, it is a vicious circle, but I do not know, why I wait for
the answer to come from outside when they lie within, the words are simple
to live, but an infinite fear to put actions... 

Conversations with 8

Life for him was not the same for the one who lives around the dead, life is never the same. The hardest facts of life come through the easiest lessons where shades of social masks come naked to one’s vision. Greed, anguish, disappointment, joy, pride and every emotion which makes a man zombie in entirety within and with the veil of approval from others, in my many conversations with 8 I learned a lot which existed in totality which many religions, but being where it ends for the entire saga to be a realized being.

Life offers more disappointments than life of joy and “perfection”. Yin and yang works for everything, we have to do make life look perfect but we do over look our joys. When I come here and sit with 8 think back, one question always awestruck me is that is worth the effort to fall that low the material wants of our lives? To be  rich materially and be so poor morally, the little voice which always strikes us and more than often we avoid  listening to it. Or as we all blame “the circumstances were such I made the deal with the devil”. Then why can’t  we strike the deal with devil for immortality? Honestly in all my meetings with 8 at his home, one thing I learned we can’t avoid the ultimatum of nature, we might have come up from ravage huntsmen living in caves to the swanky apartments and jobs. In all the change the world has seen there is a constant nature! It does come back
to show fury, love and joy in her seasons. May be with the numb senses of materialism we forget.

Attachments and delusions of wealth and power ironically everyone find the same death and same birth. The
rich, the poor, the realized and the dumb many other judgmental stratifications of the society where ever  they may exists are born from a woman’s womb and die when life ends, no one has control over this beautiful charisma of life. Death as 8 described it to be beautiful most of us would not have agreed to it, but it does mark the end of something we could see and describe to a world which is unknown and “dark”. Unlike the evolution of earth and mankind we have not found the answers to the facts beyond life. It is this lack of explanations leading to the concepts of “heaven” or “hell” but may be there do exists a life beyond death, as we are a form of energy and elementary science suggests energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but can be transformed from one form to another, this does leave this facet of life pretty much open to curiosity!

Travels are the best healer of the mind takes you away from the life and suffering and thinking about the brand
new possibilities, one needs to travel inward in personal spheres of life it’s an endless walk in time to heal and
understand be close to our self and people who matter.

Old thoughts re-written

A lot in life goes unsaid and lot of relationships which goes unnamed and thoughts which go a waste

But in between these times lies the silence of being with oneself

It is the peace of mind and vacuum of nothing hides the meaning of life

People and us who go unknown and unheard in the complication and the simplification of life which the society bounds

I travel unknown in my journey meeting people unknowing, know and have relationships so simple which becomes hard to realize

This is to us and everyone around life is beautiful never brand it to the dogmatism of the thoughts..

Rock

Born as a rock with a mind of our own
wasted away in the times we never owned
the hopes wither as the seasons change
they move with the wind which sways them away
I want to see the stars and feel closer
although they lie a million light years away
they are all I have held on to with the changing times dithering me away
A lot of ages have passed for I to end up here all this way
unlearning to pain to enduring fresh courage to torment another age
The journey within and soul without leaves me hollow
a quest still remains to find a place, where I can be home again
find a passion for the rock to roll and find its own way
Winds have moved, the tides have worked cutting the rock
in its own way, all I know I can't shaped like the millions
who sway and wash every passing day 

Don't Know...

I do not know what I am thinking; there is a clutter of things in my head for which there is no better answer than the cluttered keys on the keyboard, no logical order. Logically everything seems improbable, in the mess I can’t seem to find order, I know it is the place we live, the people we meet, that stimulates the way we think in that case majorly I have not thought in the last few months all I hear is a blank noise when I see in, I see myself hurling out words, but mostly it does not make any sense fucking what so ever, I really do not know where I am heading I am somewhere in the middle of somewhere, which can’t  be nowhere but this is not heading anywhere I just see roads, no clue whereabouts of their destination, I have no energy to walk and just to find myself lost in the walk of life, but to stop and think does not lead to any solution…  

random stuff

 random thoughts, random vision, random hopes
random escapades from perceptions and prescriptions,
where it leads, where it goes, where it follows?
sometime I wish to know the first thought which I thought about life
before it got mulled by the "rights" and the "Wrongs" the "do's" and the "don't"
what was I, what could I be, what would follow, whats worth keeping,
whats worth challenging remains in the greys of life...
yet I tread on these paths everyday, wonder who I am, what I have become,
for all the people I hated, for all the shoes I never wanted to wear,
I have worn and walked, is this path was ever my own, were these shoes mine?
I still have no answers.... just random thoughts, random visions, random hopes
to find the answers one day.....