winds of thoughts...

Lost in the winds of thoughts,
swayed away to a land far yet know,
sometime I wonder where I stand,
in my memories, reminds of those,
cold and warmth which makes me
the man, sometime proud of who I am,
but I curse, the times which made me as I am...
The pain, which hurts me, like a dragger pierced in my
heart, hard to keep in, fatal to let go, with
all the burns scars of my memories, here I stand
remembering the beauty of love, which touched
my heart, and kept the warmth alive, in me
gives me the reason to stand in all the darkness and misery...

......

Every thing has a price to pay,
A laughter waiting to be killed,
A dream waiting to be shattered,
The crime which I am convicted for
pain and tears, is a petty one of
believing in people and trusting
purity of relationships, never knew
economics of trade and "wealth of
nations" have long entered the hearts
of the beholder of the womb, where
every effort put in has a tag written
"something is coming for you", in innocence
of a child never understand, now the
cruelty of maturity is making me
understand, every breath of mine is
actually not mine, every effort of mine
is exactly not mine, every step of mine
is forced, not talking about god, but
the expectations of costs one must pay,
when I try now to break apart, being
a complete failure to accept what all
could, some termed their defeats "due
to respect" some said " out of love"
I have no one liner for my victory in
defeat, someways I feel I lost all, in
the "nothings" which was mine, I cant
bear these heavy breathes which I take,
endowed with the heaviness of being not
able to owe up to what many say "responsibilities"
I wonder if I am failure or a victor in failure.........

i am bleeding, without a stain, my heart is crying without a drop of tear
i am dead but i am breathing life in and out. I lost my fears yet so scared
i am not in pain, nor in joy. I am numb yet I feel the strain.
i am no one, still the world shout at how "no one" I am.
i feel the wind, yet i am choking of air.
i dont know where i stand, my feets are tired of carrying weight.
i am fucked, yet a virgin. I am all soo complicated, yet so simple.

....

Disowned by people around, disgust expressed by the passers by
clean my soul stand in the impurity of my existence, life has never
seemed to be more free than I stand today, I have nothing to loose
here in this ghetto, called the society, the values of "family", love
affection, all sound same to me, noise. Infinite call of insecurities,
Broken away from myself, lived in my fears, fears of being not loved,
fear of being alone, beyond fear I am finding the glow, shed the age
old baggage, yet my back feels the weight of memories, impressions of
my childhood, the suffocation of my own voice, the echo of my existence
in a room, trapped in a grave of society, slowly the pit of my existence
my voice was being covered with the soil of belief, the soil which shuts
millions, I cant forget the hard breaths taken to come to life, the echo
of my voice in my lungs, millions thoughts and questions killing my
innocence, making me the animal that i am today, i hold no one responsible,
but irresponsible to show me the ways which all took to die in their pits
peacefully, I dont want to die in peace of the so called "sanity" , in the peace
of a millions of dollars, mansions, and a so called family, all joined with the
common theard of money, property, wealth, with grief on the face and
the happiness in their hearts, i cant be the man, so idealistic an idiot,
may be all idiotic i sound to the world, writting things without a meaning,
the maniac, romanticising life, all terms attached to me, a path which
today i choose to walk on, a path which is unknown, i am not a rebel , nor
I submitt, I am just a traveller, wonderer in the walk of life, in the true spirit
to find the new lands, ideals of existence, a path i am walking alone, dont expect
others to commit the suicide of walking, against the flow of time, coz they wont
come back to you, a lot to loose and profits never come, what comes in the
thrill....

jus randomly

love is not everything but there is nuthing without love...
something i read a long time back but touched my heart
forever ... today in remorse i understand the true meaning
of what it meant..what promises r , y is maturity the word
which take one from one plane to the next of existence in
relationships..

I realise this all but no one to share with all day lost
in my thoughts, caring nuthing much about the world
i sit n wonder n work...an utmost confusion of all times..
sets in but its jus am enjoyin a feeling gone yet i am holding
sometimes i believe i am holding time in my hands...

mad i sound .. may be mad i am crazy insane...be it anything
in the mix of humdrums of my existence of the kid n the man
the materialistic stuff seems soo vague to me , all the intangible
seems all i have...i dont know i am back to the mellow of my existence

i feel the trembles of fustrations and irritations all around
some seem to affect rest jus a passe i wonder i am cold stone again
but this time i can feel my heart beating n i am more alive..may be
in thoughts but somewhat i can feel a change, an infinite influence
of a woman who is there but still not..

thoughts , people and my world .....

utopia of madness

Life goes on like a mechancoly strain,
a tune of silence, a dance of madness ,
a peace so unpeacefull in a time trap
so unknown , words so unheards yet known

In waters of time feels like sands,
in numbness experiencing pain,
painfull yet so comforting,
smiles from a distant seems like an utopian age

utopia is what i am into , the utopia of madness..

sometime i wonder,where i stand,what i am
a structure of mass n bone..who the fuck am i
an insane bastard,who does not know what
he wants from life,or a man who seen a lot
at the age where he should not have,jus that
like being unnaturally rubbed on the paths
of life..love life beyond all seems the same
in the same horizon of thought,to close to
judge the reality,to far to judge illusions,
what i am,a maniac,unsettled is the feeling
i have in the daily affair of life and times..
sometimes scared like a kid,sometimes
brave like a knight,sometimes aggorant like
a fool,what am i ?? is an answer i seek always
but can't seem to find..something which i am
so close to yet unknown,different names
which humanity offered,wondering which to
choose,mad insane arrogant bastard........
in search of answers i stand naked yet
covered in the path of life......

clock of life!

Life goes on in the monotony of time..
like the seconds ticks from 0 to 60..
and back to square...over and over in
the confinement of life..ticking infinitly
calling for the final call..when it comes all
to the stop..the stop of death..

In this monotony of life speed is the illusion
the illusion of excitment all dies in the acceptance
of the reality of the tickin..tick..tick..tick...
wondering today about my existence my time..
looking back..and forward all seems the same..
in the confinment...

In the millions of ticking in the social noise of
the society we tend to engage the minds from
the reality...to the illusions of happiness freedom
and many more utopic thought..and accept the bondage
with a smile....

I wonder why...but i have been asked to do so
made belief this is right...from the time i was born
compensate was the saga taught and bowing to the
insivible energy (god) my religion...

Millions of my questions keep arising and bursting
like bubbles as i tick by..answers are infinite but
truth unheard...in them its jus a condolence given by
myself to me..of the brighter light...illusions of my
life...goes of infinitely

...

hardest times, the sweetest memories
sweetest times, the hardest to forget!
life is not what seemed before
illusions change with the dimension
of life ... happenings in the madness
of time..like the season they go ....
from the coldest of winter sorrows
to the outbreak of the monsoon....
life changes as it has to but the everytime
adding a different memory ...they all
seem the same.. from a bird eyes views..
wish i was a bird...clouds wud be my home
and the lands my playgroud...the air of
time flowing thru my wings like never
before living memories thru the flap
of my wings...time wud have changed..
good bad ugly would seemed different
wished for wings..the flight of the time
the flight of my life....

today in the 4th month of my 20th year on this planet...hit the worst realisation of a life time....a system which prevails the cliche of each one our existence today here in this society...as much u fight out of it ...u end up in it...all the worthless...sweat and tears and blood and agony goes..down in a moment...u end up like everyone...a system of expectation where parents dont care ...where kids are an investment and education premium a system of our society the indian motherfuckin so called family value is the most cliched things i have heard..in a lifetime ...family value is nothing more the net worth in the society monetary which ur face value ... how much the sons and the head earn determines the respect...a fuckin system where money holds high than dreams and aspiration...my friend used called stupid in my worthless attempts to convince the world..i can do things differently...yeah i did differently fucked myself up...a harder way today i lay with my more than ass rammed everything means nuthing to me i dont care ...in the system today i seek for a high payin 6.5lac starting and am ready to kill a man for it...in 20year 4 months i realised the worthless fight...i dont know ...today i more radical than a madman i could jus run...but to where ?????havent we all been running where there is no space left...to jus run...i wana die...i jus wanna die..than to live a life where i couldnt keep my head up...and end up like every other man...i dont stand alone but in a crowd where i dont belong..cost u pay ur dream as they who dare to disbelong

unsaid...

a lot in life goes unsaid and loads of relationships which goes unnamed and thoughts which go a waste.. but in these silence of self .. peace of mind and vaccum of nuthing lies the meaning of life..us and people.. who go unknown n unheard complicated in the uncomplicated life which the bounds set by us the society... i know go unknown in my journey .. meeting people unknowing know and have relationships so simple which becomes hard to realise...this is us me n everyone arnd life is beautiful never brand it to the dogmatism of the thoughts..

wisdom

life...death....breath..everything comes in one string....
a string of thought which goes unthought......
death comes unexpected and life expected.....
birth brings joy sometime i wonder y death bring
sadness..today when i sit beside the thought of my
mortal friend whose immortal soul today is free
i feel..death teaches us about life which cant be
spoken about in the books of wisdom .........
coz the death recollects differently to different
people ... a different meaning...a realisation of the importance
of every breath i take and the every moment spend here
in tears or smile....

all the small anger hate smile seems so trivial to me..
trivial coz i havent grown out of it but understood it
the fact that my friend is gone far away to the infinite
space which my thoughts always thought to imagine
the spark of my imaginations.....still it interest me...
to understand the unthought....

getting answer to some of my million questions and
understand the purpose of life..here i stand in middle
of somewhere in the place of no where thinking of
things and undoing the mysteries of life and beyond..

questions

wait and wait is all i can do and my hands r tied to the ropes of time
time reveals the answer as many have said but the wait for the answer
to the infinite questions with jus randomly pop up and disappear to
random space without a dimension or logical explainations ...........

but this mystery of time and life amazes me every day of my life ...
guess its the fuel of my existence beyond the hopes n desires and
ambitions answer to my infinite questions...these questions insanely
lie the meanin of my existence and essence of my being...the aura of my
existence

happy new year to all
hoping for an amazing
year ahead of u

desert!

in the odd walk of life into the desert of time
the nick of time has got me to the beautiful
emotion of love ..
but sometimes its beyond me to comprehend
the feeling of happiness which love brings in
the silent desert which kills your pace with the
shackles of lonliness and silence...
but in all this happiness and spark of emotions
my mind swiril in confusion the oasis i see in
front may jus be an illusion...or may be i am jus
holdin the sand of time and not realising it flowing
out the more hard i am holding
all this happening in the desert of time and nick
of moments the eyes see the grassland in love but
the dare i have taken too see things big ..but some
where down i have a fear of shattering completly
unknown fact of life n time still amazes in the
walk of life...guess i am the slave of emotions and
my mind..

omethin to me is unacceptable
to my mind but the heart still loves the one it shud)

prithvi--->>>dreamz unlimited..

a part of my human existence rather virtual existence
talks about rather thinks about things beyond things
logic behind the illogical..the love beyond hate...the
existence beyond imagination and hope beyond desire
all of it come to one..to think beyond pain the usual
the thinkable to think the unthinkable to be the god
of all the small things u own and the big things u
destroy .. to be ur truely meant to be and open my mask
of the shades of inhumanity and live in the humane side
of my existence sometime to come think of it .. all this
is so unreal but the reality its what world lacks to realise
for feel the freedom beyond pain to feel the fear the fear
beyond fears and to be himself beyond what the society
demands.. there is a side to my existence which is pure
to what i am which writes what i think and share with one
whom i love so much to the woman of my dreams i am man
so unlimited...this is my dreamz unlimited and fear unthought
this is me unknown to humanity know to whom it matters..

love...it is

from the heart this comes out as the most beautiful feeling of them all....
love it is people...love makes a man a kid...rather has made me me a kid
in the seriousness of my existence taught me back how to smile and most
importantly how to love again...love my friend is the bliss i guess the bliss
of our existence pure and essence of the existence of any human after soo
many years this is so utopic ... i pinch my self make it feel its a reality....
man i am living in a dream...not a night mare any more...and a dream it is
a dream is all i fight for and have fought for when u so close to the dream
its so amazing and when in ur dream its the best...who knows where i end
up...but this time i have to regret loving her...i am happy and thats about
it may be this is love ... all so good...

insane

one word "love" which changes the meaning of our existence..disolve the pains of the heart to joy and make me and many a new man...but that one word,one emotion,one moment...is all the time far from true ... everything is virtual i just exist in virtuality of life ..living in myself what love means what is it... how do i express it ... coz the 3 words makes many hopes and desires if true ... and breaks hearts if played with ... today i stand in many cross road insecured with life and my future.. this is my base where my career gets a push ... but i am alone yet connected to someone in my own thoughts.. the thought that i wont get hurt have brought me into the web of my own illusions...and today i faked the purest emotion to myself..love.. when i faked to me the happiness around or the seeing the beauty in everything it was all normal.. i dont know y i am faking to myself love..when i know there might be or might not be a connection..i fail to understand y i am soo insecured about life and things beyond..y i am scared of happiness y i am scared of smoles and y i am scared of joys... writting odd poetry abt love and beauty as i see them but i know there is a vaccum on my side i cant share it.. my heart has gone cold without the warmth of a hug...my forehead has dried up without a kiss... and my ears lost in the silence of life to hear the 3 words which makes me or breaks me.. my past doesnt leave to haunt me and present is nuthing amazing but i am sick of standing alone... all the words of hope "one day u shall find someone" makes so fucking sense to me this is all fake ... but then i dont have the guts to go and look out for and have to jus wait for someone to find me.. i dont know y i am soo weak here and i break like a glass shatter on a bed of cotton no sound but pure pain.. i am sick of drinking my own tears and feasting in my own pain when i know pain is something which is so not me .. i have lost the will to smile for me the whole fucking life is a fight ... a fight..which i have to win and show it to the world.. it wud have been nicer if i cud show it one and share it all with one but my hard luck doesnt seems to leave or go .. or is it me who makes my own illusions of hard luck my love and my pains and my fake smiles ..... nuthing but sadness haunts me i guess this post doesnt mean much to many but to me it means a huge confession from an idiot who has duped himself and the world in the illusions..god know why the fuck i have brain but no use of it......
(pls dont comment with something i already know actually dont lemme die in my own insanity)

love...

in love again nuthin more or less to say...
with whom the beauty of life...needless to
say one thing that wud never leave u and
go a passing thought passed to no where
in a world where its gonna loose its meaning
but still in my small ways i am happy man
in life when in love something close by
the tears n pain jus seems a de tour to the
bliss of life....

temple of death

sitting in the temple of death the temple
where we worship the dead and free the
moral body to the heaven above,away from
the humanity....
i sat in of those temple ...today everything
was a haze ...the smell of the burning flesh
on the wood and the ingredients of so called
purity ...
the ashes which lie of the mortal body around
i heard the howls of humanity from up close
more for from some one else heart who didnt
matter to me ... but somewhere inside invoked
the thought in my head who mattered but are
gone so far...infinitely stuck in some dimension
of time...
sitting by the temple of thoughts are jus stroming
in my head about life death regret and ifs and buts
...but the answers lies in realisation so unknown to
my mind...questions is again what i am left ......
to which answer are kept in the maze of time....