Freedom

It doesn't matter where all I could be
As long I am living in my mind,
I could never be free, the tall mountains
would always be the bars of my freedom
Even when I am around the clouds
I am bound down by chains of my reasons.
The seasons change but I wish I never see,
cause I am too scared to look outside and be.

I have no idea when evolution got me here,
where did reflection in the mirror become more
important than me. When did I lock myself up
and forgot the keys on the shore of time so
long ago it barely a haze in my memory.
All I see are ever enclosing walls of the traps I
set for me, the answer lies within cause I need
to see is a way out and set me free.

The crimson sky, the sea and the mountains is ever so enchanting 

The rivers blend admits the trees lost in the valley bleed red in the fading light

The coulds paints a whole new story in the blend of blue and the red

The colours fade away everything morphs into a single canvas of thought and delight as I fly by....

There are soo many stories, I wanted to paint with you went down in vain,
There are soo many journey, I wanted to live through with you never came,
There are soo many dreams, I wanted to touch the stars which now don't make sense,
There are soo many nightmares, just nightmares turning to reality today,
where is my make believe world where everything was perfect, where there were smiles and joy,
where laughter was the only echo in the valley of my life,
where the skies were always blue and occasionally painted with clouds of your being,
where are the seasons which i felt change even in the coldest winter with just your touch
why is there soo much tragedy when all I wanted was a moment in contained in peace?
why is there a storm which is swaying me away?
why did I lose everything when I was rebuilding life again
what is this dream worth if it is not shared with someone who meant the world to me
what is this fight worth when there is nothing to hold on too
what is this life worth when everything just slowly breaks away,
I thought i would never be here, but I have been to all the places where I thought I never be,
some where nice but those i frequent are my nightmares I live...
Was it worth it letting go and walking away,  may be not today...
what did just I walk away from... I dont know....

note to me

Stories are told to rekindle memories with the spice of imagination,
tunes captures a part of our soul stuck in dimension we are yet to discover,
sometimes movement can tell a lot more that what present or the future can hold,
sometimes i wander in the maze of my existence searching for a why and end up with a why not?
why not just wander, why not just explore, why not just be curious for curiosity sake
knowledge is over rated, miserable pile son conclusions drawn by the mind,
somedays I wish I just could be not be anything
there are too many titles my mind is caught up in, but it forgets somewhere the little explorer
which makes me the person i am today, ending up in a PhD is a biggest adventure I have ever been on...
There was clarity but this is the biggest ride I have been on...
I had a girl friend which didn't work out but imagine all i have seen and experienced i am actually sitting in a whole different continent and actually typing listening to kick ass cool music dude lets make the most of this time dude! stop evaluating yourself there will be millions of test you are yet to succeed or fail but has fun while you are here! this is your adventure come on don't devour yourself from the pleasures of the day!

To me and explorations in the future!

what if?

A lot of "what ifs" goes through my head
makes me wonder and keeps me up
all night in my bed.

A lot of tears run down my memories
thinking about the smiles and the pains.

It just seems like yesterday
pain never seem to fade. I am hurt deeply
somewhere which doesn't seem to heal.

I am on my heels to heal
but always scared to fall right back over my head.

Last time I fell head over heels it was love,
this time it is a bed of nails...

May be this life is not meant for me

I have been thinking this is very unsettling to be feeling settled
There is something disturbing about stability I got used to the constant motion,
The motion kept me alive and breathing and thinking
This stagnation there are no travels there are the same old faces
There are the same issues, the same jokes, the same complains,
what i found in books is to be beyond who i could be everyday discovering something new
what I come back to today is the same good old stagnation there is
excitement in the research i do but what about this life
may be i am meant to be lost, I don't know where is this all playing along
I don't have the tinker worth of curiosity of ending up in someone arms
I guess at some level i have lost faith in people as they were
they are just a bag of fucking pain i need to live with every day
I always wanted to be free what i end up is in shackles in my little world
I want to coup in and be free today lets just be disconnected and curl up in this
this little world which i want to be... :D

Some stuff I thought

The world sways with the gust of wind of time,
some petals fray fighting with constant dismay,
regrets never seem to stay on the other side of the bay,
the waves often bring onshore surprises and coffins from far away,
yet we all said in these infinite seas away from the shores of coffins,
eying horizon and the magical promise land on our imagination's edge,
what I treasure today not the turbulent seas, the thrill of being,
not the monsters of the past popping up miseries,
it is the oasis, the warm kiss of life is what I treasure the most...
But I never want adventures of end, I wish to start every moment
to turn my eyes to a brand new me in this good old world....