Time just passed by...

Many seasons turned today

As I looked out of my window

But today the rains and winds of change 

Didn't talk to me the way they used once

Today it just rained but drops never spoke a word as they hit my face

They didn't tell tales fom far away lands

They were so silent I never heard the chatter patter over roof head

Why we're you so silent today why didn't the winds bring any change 

My heart heavy and weeps in the memory of the day passing by

Why did it just passed by.....

To many things I can't seem to stop apologizing
There are many things never tending to get satiated
There are so many more things which never seem to end
Why are they always the pain and not the fuckig pleasure of life
I want to see myself smile and laugh but reality describes a differnt truth
There was no point in going on like this I don't know the pain seems to be blinding 

Still there lies hope....

There are many stories yet to be told, many folds yet to be unfolded, many tides yet to rise, many springs to blossom, many falls to be witnessed, there are still many stories to unfold life is not what is still holds out to be, there is that special fire in me still waiting to be ignited to last the whole lifetime of warmth, there are those moments I have lived and many more I wish to live, the moments when I loved the existence of no regrets, no thoughts storming through my head there are those moments in any form I want to live everyday the wish it never went out my way, t here are so much more I wish to see there are still so many more stories I am yet to write, I am disheartened just in anxiety of the times which shall be mine and where I would have nothing to lose....

The truth is I am coward, never had the balls to follow my dream and when following one I am giving up from time to time this is soo not cool... the truth is i write a lot of garbage and blamed it all on others but no one but me stands here, there is a lot did not happens, films, photography, travelling may be they were irrational desires so is this one make it count just to bag the regrets and drop it in the sea and never look back make this happen prithvi i mean it and i need it...

why?

Why I am me? Why am I not someone not me?
Why I am confused? Why am I not someone crystal clear?
Why I am in misery? Why am I not someone happy and glee?
Why is my mind fucking me over, destroying every last piece of shit out of me
why is this constant chatter in my head driving me crazy
why is there no peace? where is the fire i cant seem to any?
where is the lil me playing and lost in my thoughts?
have I really grown up? Or is it just me stuck in the million thoughts of to be or not to be?

All I ever wanted to do was to read, write and dream,
what I always end up doing is to make everything around me look trivial,
All I ever wanted was to be recognized and be someone,
what I always end up doing is to make myself look petty and small,
All I ever wanted to be was free,
what I always end up doing is to chain myself in thoughts of regrets,
All I ever wanted to be is to be me,
what I always end up being is trapped in my shadows of illusion,
what is happening today is I am losing away, losing away in my fears
losing away in my tears, I look at me I dont know who it is,
Where has this taken me these desires, these goals, these ambition
I just dont know I am lost but I dont know what to think or what to do
I just dont know re...

i just realized something i am just alive not living at all, just existing have i just forgotten all about living? all about the little adventures of my head? all the dreams can't die with soo much unfulfilled....

When in the end we will lose everything and move on to another world
then why do we care to hold on to something, why does the existence of ours scream of belonging
and pains when longing goes away there is a part of soul which i lost in the last one year
there is emptiness sometime elopes my heart i just dont know who the hell i am
it is like a few relationships forged at birth are like your identity the identity going away
just hurts i know i am some evolved today but it still hurts no matter how much i try to forget and move on
why does it hurt so much when i think about it, why does it pain to not go back home
will there be a hug ever again from parent in the bed i grew up, will there be my stupid games played
on my study table ever gonna be back, where will those long night go away to i would never get get to see them it again thgose hard nights the orchestra of birds early morning breaking into twilight i dont know how much i going to miss about an era which deeply made who i am i dont know why is it so hard, i guess it is best not to think about it but then how many questions, how many situations can I run away from, i dont know if still i am being honest to myself.... there is a bit of sadness and a gloom glooms my heart away... i dont know what to do what to say...

There is the mind and then there are the mindless
there is the time and then are moments which are timeless
there is a price whatever we choose but how could we ever value the priceless
there are the eyes full of dream yet my nights are dreamless
there is the heart full of hope but there are these strands of hopelessness
why everything is filled yet empty, why is there a sweet nectar and the bitter tang
I guess the yin and yang are the eternal pendulum oscillating between rain, sunshine and the winter chills
I know no more yet I have learnt and understood so little...

where

Where are those innocent smiles
where are the moments under the sun
where are the nights under the star lit sky
did i rush and run to forget and miss all of these
where is the moments to stare at the camel in the desert for hours
where are the long walks on the mountain paths where is the fun of discovering a broken chruch in the wild
where are shadows of the sun and leaves playing why dont I see them anymore
where is the beauty where I just dont get to see where is my smile which i have not smiled looking at something simple and beautiful why dont i see the colours anymore why is the sky looking soo depressing to me where is the beauty of the sky under which i live why are there only corners and not the centre of the room why are these edges where i read to fall off where are the paths which inspired to make me see beauty! 

Everyday when dawn brings along the dusk
I feel a part of me which lived died along
there is soo much I meant to today never got done
there was soo much to live when lived along
I wish to smile every moment and absorb time
between today dusk and dawn
as the circle completes I wish to reincarnate from
the fading light into the bright dawn... 

Rain Drops

Tip said to top
as they plop and ptop
from the sky above
why do you fall on her head
and I on her top
that is not fair cause I am tip
and you are top...

Napkin

The Napkin took a nap by her kin
waiting for her king in her nap she dreamed
she dreamed of the king and his kin
coming on a horse trampling and crampling on the grass so green and clean
she smiled and grin only to be woken up to wipe the grim of the face of a mannequin
That's tale of Napkin dreaming of her kin and king of her dreams 

Mr. Nonsense

Nonsense walks around the street with all his sense
sensing the light go red, feeling the urgency which could not rest,
dashing across the street in the moment of heat
jumped over the red light landing on his two feet
and there lives Nonsense in the world of senses

there will lot more many

There will be only as many chances as you want
there will be as many lives as you want to live
there will those many masks you want to wear
there are only those many miles you want to run
there will only as many regrets as you want to pile
but there will be many chances to take
but there will be many roads to travels
but there will be many mountains to climb
but there will be many seas to conquer
but there will be many more imagination to imagined
sadly there is only of "time" we have in our lives
sadly there are thoughts we create to bind
there is a circus of freaks who will juggle and buggle
with my our head and our hearts
there is just one lifetime I dont know how can be it given to one thing
there are many things to do and many things to write
it is an absolute waste to wile it all away life i did till date
to the little dreams and grand memories down the lane ahead
i tell myself today take the ship into the sea
see where the waves lead you
there will be wind and there will be those days of stagnation
but never forget the ship it is just small vessel in the world
not the world... stop this and smile :D

Corner of the room

a thought lies in the corner of the room
it is like the one the million things we dont use but we love to keep
there is this memory in the corner of the room
it lies there wrapped in tears and smiles
there lies on the other end of the room
a self which is devoid of the tears and smiles
there lies these million thoughts as a clouds
yet they are not clouding my mind
am I living or i am just existing
was not this life i was running away from
didn't i want a life to be living not existing
there are these thoughts and memories from the corner of the room
shouting at me where am i where is the beautiful dreams
which i dreamt from this life,
there is ingredients of the perfect life then why i am just breathing
the magic is within but they are trapped in those thought of "being" in the corner of the room
gathering dust those memories are just in the past why arent new memories recreated in this moment
why am i just living like this...
i want to see the sun rather i will see the sun in this cold night
i shall feel the warmth not those thoughts of the past but of now
where is the fire which never got tired
where is the fireplace in the corner of the room which chuckled thoughts and popped new ones out, melted the memories and created new shapes
where is the lil corner of the room where i am me and not this thing i dont like to be
where is the inspiration this is the life i always wanted to live then why i am not living
i want to live and not gather dust i want to run till my heels catches fire
i want to jump so high that i catch the star
i want to lie down under to the open sky and see the fire which ignites my days
yet all i see an empty cold room of shattered thoughts and memories which i am tired off
lets create time, lets make time to be for me not to waste the moment in despair
lets light up the fire with a wood of thoughts and passion of fire....

cant write anymore

The familiar touch of your hand
those beautiful eyes warming up my soul
the soft hug embracing the lost soul
the world transpire to be a warm home for the lost weary traveling soul
for the million thoughts and moments and deaths alone
the dream in my eyes live through the touch
there is hope which i have not seen before
there are the dancing angels and the vanishing devils of the mind
is it love or more?
do I know what I used to know?
These world translate in newer dimension than ever before
there are thoughts there are feeling there is overwhelming
the road ahead becomes warm and the cold past hazy in the fog
the heart in love moves along...

the more I live the more I see the fickle lil mind
the more it wants to play the more it wants to explore
the more I live the more I have to settle
the more I settle the more it is unsettling
the walls are closing in, the thought is windows are shutting out
the more they come closer the more my mind plays
these walls are my imagination but in my imagination there is a bigger imagination of the mind
there is a shit lot of confusion, why are there these walls closing, if at all why are these walls
walls why do we built, to protect, I guess here to constrict our lives I dont know where this goes
may be it is just the shackles of the imagination which imagines the rust, the flavour of bondage, the smell of the rotting skins, are we really tied am I really obligated to the million walls and lines of my mind, but we only understand freedom when we see none, to understand freedom why am I doing this, I am free then why go back to bondage of your mind not others
this sounds funny when i write down...
lets live I am just being stupid :D

random thoughts

Trains of thoughts entangle and grow far apart
so apart that they never seemed know each other
the constant joint and deflect thoughts and emotions
arouse a sense of continuity and disjoints
there is soo much we feel in a moment, the breeze in the air
the sweet smell of nectar, the taste of the morning dew
yet we are so far away from the simpler things
why complicate whenthe moment is simple, why do they touch our heart
and the mind brushes away in a million complications...
here I sit smiling as I ride away in a new thought finding its way... 
 

When efforts don't translate
When words don't say what is meant
When life is less than just breathing in and out
When we are caught up in dilemmas of the past and the present
When the future look bleak plagued with hopelessness
When many-a-things don't make sense
These are the times when the mind wanders in the darkest places
Blows the candles on its way, there is the search for the one light which doesn't blow away
the heart misses that one light and warmth which makes it all right again
why is she far away!?!