The ride...

When shall I find the right words,
to express my feelings,
to enumerate my worries,
to show my feelings,
to confess my love,
to exuberate my anger,
to hide my weakness,
to shout out my frustration,
to tell my story, which lingers on in my heart,
or is it my head...
aah, the eternal confusion, whether I am controlled by my heart, or my head,
When shall I find the words, to decide,
whether I am indecisive or not.
Tough decision...
When will I find solace in my existence,
when????
When will I find myself useful,
instead of feeling like a fucking rat,
among millions of other rats,
no different...
Am I different?
or god made all of us different,
so that we could do the same things in life,
more or less the same way,
but feeling differently about it??
interesting question...
So, am I different? Are YOU different?
Does it matter whether there is the difference?
When will I find satisfaction in my existence?
Why do I exist?
Are these connected?
Is it all made of the finest silk, but a cobweb nevertheless?
Does it matter?
DOES IT MATTER?????
Does is matter I fell in love with a person so much,
that I gave her up?
Does it matter, that the perfect being is now right in front of me, but am afraid of love???
Does it matter, that life has turned me into a cynic?
Does it matter, that I am taken for a fool?
Does it matter, that this 'poem' actually stinks of utter frustration, and
silent reproach of millions of tears?
Does it matter,
that no matter what,
there is still a glimmer of hope?
After all, in the darkest of rooms,
a single ray of light shines brightest...
Brightest...
Are we all living by default,
one of nature's products??
or do we actually have a purpose,
of our existence?
Is that silent 'purpose' keeping us alive,
inspite of all our negative vagaries?
Does this purpose gives us flashes of hope,
when life is the darkest?
Is that 'purpose', our hope??
I really wonder...
Wonder...
Wonder is what nature is...
It fucks up every creature,
one way or the other...
but no one complains,
except us humans...
Why complain???
No use complaining...
When its happening,
why complain,
and waste my time...
Waste...
I see a whole millieu of humans,
most of them preferring to waste their lives on the streets,
and complaining they don't have anything...
Do I want to become like them?
Or should I DO something about it...
Confusion...
Big time...
So confused, I don't know my left hand from right hand,
Can I ever get rid of it,
or will I just have to live with it,
get used to it,
and then try to forget it.
Can I forget?
They say, time's change, and people change with them,
Do people REALLY change????
In this age, can rotten people ever be not-so-rotten?
In this world, everybody rots...
Rots...
Should I allow myself to rot by asking myself questions,
the answers to which will serve no purpose?
Or will it?
When will I know???
When???
Does any of this actually make any sense???
Is it senseless? or plain nonsense??
I don't care if it makes any sense...Its in my head!!!
Should I care?
Should I care to have the patience, to know whether all this makes any sense at all??
Patience...
When will I have patience?
To buy the time, to know my 'whens'?
Patience is what patient gets...
Patience kills 'When'...
And I...keep on hoping...