winds of thoughts...

Lost in the winds of thoughts,
swayed away to a land far yet know,
sometime I wonder where I stand,
in my memories, reminds of those,
cold and warmth which makes me
the man, sometime proud of who I am,
but I curse, the times which made me as I am...
The pain, which hurts me, like a dragger pierced in my
heart, hard to keep in, fatal to let go, with
all the burns scars of my memories, here I stand
remembering the beauty of love, which touched
my heart, and kept the warmth alive, in me
gives me the reason to stand in all the darkness and misery...

......

Every thing has a price to pay,
A laughter waiting to be killed,
A dream waiting to be shattered,
The crime which I am convicted for
pain and tears, is a petty one of
believing in people and trusting
purity of relationships, never knew
economics of trade and "wealth of
nations" have long entered the hearts
of the beholder of the womb, where
every effort put in has a tag written
"something is coming for you", in innocence
of a child never understand, now the
cruelty of maturity is making me
understand, every breath of mine is
actually not mine, every effort of mine
is exactly not mine, every step of mine
is forced, not talking about god, but
the expectations of costs one must pay,
when I try now to break apart, being
a complete failure to accept what all
could, some termed their defeats "due
to respect" some said " out of love"
I have no one liner for my victory in
defeat, someways I feel I lost all, in
the "nothings" which was mine, I cant
bear these heavy breathes which I take,
endowed with the heaviness of being not
able to owe up to what many say "responsibilities"
I wonder if I am failure or a victor in failure.........

i am bleeding, without a stain, my heart is crying without a drop of tear
i am dead but i am breathing life in and out. I lost my fears yet so scared
i am not in pain, nor in joy. I am numb yet I feel the strain.
i am no one, still the world shout at how "no one" I am.
i feel the wind, yet i am choking of air.
i dont know where i stand, my feets are tired of carrying weight.
i am fucked, yet a virgin. I am all soo complicated, yet so simple.

....

Disowned by people around, disgust expressed by the passers by
clean my soul stand in the impurity of my existence, life has never
seemed to be more free than I stand today, I have nothing to loose
here in this ghetto, called the society, the values of "family", love
affection, all sound same to me, noise. Infinite call of insecurities,
Broken away from myself, lived in my fears, fears of being not loved,
fear of being alone, beyond fear I am finding the glow, shed the age
old baggage, yet my back feels the weight of memories, impressions of
my childhood, the suffocation of my own voice, the echo of my existence
in a room, trapped in a grave of society, slowly the pit of my existence
my voice was being covered with the soil of belief, the soil which shuts
millions, I cant forget the hard breaths taken to come to life, the echo
of my voice in my lungs, millions thoughts and questions killing my
innocence, making me the animal that i am today, i hold no one responsible,
but irresponsible to show me the ways which all took to die in their pits
peacefully, I dont want to die in peace of the so called "sanity" , in the peace
of a millions of dollars, mansions, and a so called family, all joined with the
common theard of money, property, wealth, with grief on the face and
the happiness in their hearts, i cant be the man, so idealistic an idiot,
may be all idiotic i sound to the world, writting things without a meaning,
the maniac, romanticising life, all terms attached to me, a path which
today i choose to walk on, a path which is unknown, i am not a rebel , nor
I submitt, I am just a traveller, wonderer in the walk of life, in the true spirit
to find the new lands, ideals of existence, a path i am walking alone, dont expect
others to commit the suicide of walking, against the flow of time, coz they wont
come back to you, a lot to loose and profits never come, what comes in the
thrill....