why?

Why I am me? Why am I not someone not me?
Why I am confused? Why am I not someone crystal clear?
Why I am in misery? Why am I not someone happy and glee?
Why is my mind fucking me over, destroying every last piece of shit out of me
why is this constant chatter in my head driving me crazy
why is there no peace? where is the fire i cant seem to any?
where is the lil me playing and lost in my thoughts?
have I really grown up? Or is it just me stuck in the million thoughts of to be or not to be?

All I ever wanted to do was to read, write and dream,
what I always end up doing is to make everything around me look trivial,
All I ever wanted was to be recognized and be someone,
what I always end up doing is to make myself look petty and small,
All I ever wanted to be was free,
what I always end up doing is to chain myself in thoughts of regrets,
All I ever wanted to be is to be me,
what I always end up being is trapped in my shadows of illusion,
what is happening today is I am losing away, losing away in my fears
losing away in my tears, I look at me I dont know who it is,
Where has this taken me these desires, these goals, these ambition
I just dont know I am lost but I dont know what to think or what to do
I just dont know re...

i just realized something i am just alive not living at all, just existing have i just forgotten all about living? all about the little adventures of my head? all the dreams can't die with soo much unfulfilled....