I accept who I am, probably it is the hardest thing to do, but then it can be the smartest thing to do and move on with yourself and let others around you live in peace and not in a threatened environment all of a sudden. I guess I am a disturbed soul from my childhood I like constant attention things which my mother never offered and father ran away from. I seriously don't want to be always accord mating may be cause I am just sooo bloody tired from those golden words of my father always spoken to me in everyday, you would manage starting from looking bad in school cause they didn't buy a belt to not getting a gift. I guess I understand but then I have my wants well to that I guess not everyone really understand may be I just want them to understand and shout it out, why didn't you just get that iPod why did I have to get it myself I guess I picked up on people around me needs and surprised them somewhere not for the most altruistic reason but the hope within that they would respond. I guess my expectation of the unsaid, I guess does my undoing, may be I am not meant to be a relationship... But I can't blame myself forever for who I am I guess I just need to accept and move on, may be write more often be with myself may be not the best person to be in a relationship but then I guess not everyone gets everything in life... I guess I accept who the fuck I am.... And work with what I have and no more being sad and being lonely you can be your best shield in the inter and Ray of hope in th never ending nights in th deep dungeons we call life...

may be

may be it is time to let go
may be it is time to move on
may be this is a new time
may be it is a new me
may be there is a lot more i want to say
may be there are no words to express what i feel
may be there is light at the edge of the dark street
may be it all an illusion
may be my thoughts are just an expression of wishful thinking
may be this is all dream which isn't true
may be it is a nightmare I believe it to be bliss
may be there is something may be there is nothing more
but I will never know I guess....

There are many poems thought and forgotten
a room echoing of applause where I never stood in
many summits I imagined to climb but I never got around
so many dream which I thought were my due never came about
the warm hug of family which all so more got lost in pretense and translation
here yet I sit following a hollow dream in hope of finding all which un-happened....

?

Why look for shores, when adventures are locked in between the high and low tides of time,
Why look for answers, when questions can be much more interesting
Why figure it all, say it all loud, when unsaid mysteries are the best stories we keep in our hearts...

To many thoughts and imagination I never bid adieu
They stick around with me like waking up to the drop of a morning dew
The valley in the horizon pained by the sky and the fading sunlight
they hymn of prayers and he water rippling down the mountain sides
creates a mystic notion of being in the changing times
miles I have traveled but somewhere my heart still long
for those memories which never cease to amaze my soul...

There are so many stories I want to still say,
So many thoughts I just want to erase,
So many more memories to collect and recollect
The little contradictions of life in bathe irony of time to state
Why is there is always so much more than I can do
Why is there always an inertia in my action
Today I just do without a  care,
Today I just be without layers,
Let's the masks be just for today....

Memories

When times of past look like a haze
The time not so behind looks like a different era of my lifetime
There are just the capsules of memories which I live by as it were yesterday but everything else looks long gone by....
Like the rains and winters in JNU, the streets of dharmashala
Memories of Chadni chowk holding a hand so warm,
The winter Sundays in the sunkissed streets of daryaganj
The streets and gullis of khan and Lodhi road in the dark
With my heart glowing in love...
My dizzy head in one just by lane of Lodhi looks not to long ago
The empty balcony and the drumming rain drops
The soothing drag of milds after a long day the long conversations
The million laughter the horrors of times all real but trapped away in a capsule in the past...

Time just passed by...

Many seasons turned today

As I looked out of my window

But today the rains and winds of change 

Didn't talk to me the way they used once

Today it just rained but drops never spoke a word as they hit my face

They didn't tell tales fom far away lands

They were so silent I never heard the chatter patter over roof head

Why we're you so silent today why didn't the winds bring any change 

My heart heavy and weeps in the memory of the day passing by

Why did it just passed by.....

To many things I can't seem to stop apologizing
There are many things never tending to get satiated
There are so many more things which never seem to end
Why are they always the pain and not the fuckig pleasure of life
I want to see myself smile and laugh but reality describes a differnt truth
There was no point in going on like this I don't know the pain seems to be blinding 

Still there lies hope....

There are many stories yet to be told, many folds yet to be unfolded, many tides yet to rise, many springs to blossom, many falls to be witnessed, there are still many stories to unfold life is not what is still holds out to be, there is that special fire in me still waiting to be ignited to last the whole lifetime of warmth, there are those moments I have lived and many more I wish to live, the moments when I loved the existence of no regrets, no thoughts storming through my head there are those moments in any form I want to live everyday the wish it never went out my way, t here are so much more I wish to see there are still so many more stories I am yet to write, I am disheartened just in anxiety of the times which shall be mine and where I would have nothing to lose....

The truth is I am coward, never had the balls to follow my dream and when following one I am giving up from time to time this is soo not cool... the truth is i write a lot of garbage and blamed it all on others but no one but me stands here, there is a lot did not happens, films, photography, travelling may be they were irrational desires so is this one make it count just to bag the regrets and drop it in the sea and never look back make this happen prithvi i mean it and i need it...

why?

Why I am me? Why am I not someone not me?
Why I am confused? Why am I not someone crystal clear?
Why I am in misery? Why am I not someone happy and glee?
Why is my mind fucking me over, destroying every last piece of shit out of me
why is this constant chatter in my head driving me crazy
why is there no peace? where is the fire i cant seem to any?
where is the lil me playing and lost in my thoughts?
have I really grown up? Or is it just me stuck in the million thoughts of to be or not to be?

All I ever wanted to do was to read, write and dream,
what I always end up doing is to make everything around me look trivial,
All I ever wanted was to be recognized and be someone,
what I always end up doing is to make myself look petty and small,
All I ever wanted to be was free,
what I always end up doing is to chain myself in thoughts of regrets,
All I ever wanted to be is to be me,
what I always end up being is trapped in my shadows of illusion,
what is happening today is I am losing away, losing away in my fears
losing away in my tears, I look at me I dont know who it is,
Where has this taken me these desires, these goals, these ambition
I just dont know I am lost but I dont know what to think or what to do
I just dont know re...

i just realized something i am just alive not living at all, just existing have i just forgotten all about living? all about the little adventures of my head? all the dreams can't die with soo much unfulfilled....

When in the end we will lose everything and move on to another world
then why do we care to hold on to something, why does the existence of ours scream of belonging
and pains when longing goes away there is a part of soul which i lost in the last one year
there is emptiness sometime elopes my heart i just dont know who the hell i am
it is like a few relationships forged at birth are like your identity the identity going away
just hurts i know i am some evolved today but it still hurts no matter how much i try to forget and move on
why does it hurt so much when i think about it, why does it pain to not go back home
will there be a hug ever again from parent in the bed i grew up, will there be my stupid games played
on my study table ever gonna be back, where will those long night go away to i would never get get to see them it again thgose hard nights the orchestra of birds early morning breaking into twilight i dont know how much i going to miss about an era which deeply made who i am i dont know why is it so hard, i guess it is best not to think about it but then how many questions, how many situations can I run away from, i dont know if still i am being honest to myself.... there is a bit of sadness and a gloom glooms my heart away... i dont know what to do what to say...

There is the mind and then there are the mindless
there is the time and then are moments which are timeless
there is a price whatever we choose but how could we ever value the priceless
there are the eyes full of dream yet my nights are dreamless
there is the heart full of hope but there are these strands of hopelessness
why everything is filled yet empty, why is there a sweet nectar and the bitter tang
I guess the yin and yang are the eternal pendulum oscillating between rain, sunshine and the winter chills
I know no more yet I have learnt and understood so little...