a mistake or the most beautiful mistake i made in my life
i loved a woman, a woman who had it all to make it real
long with me in life but i stood a loser..in the making of
things in life..my first love was gone in the turn of a moment
every colour became dull to me .. the blue sky seemed pain
to me..the illusions of happiness changed to nuthing but
lifelessness ... what went wrong i dont know as usual i have
blamed it on her..but now i see my mistakes but i cant love
someone the way i loved her everything about her she wasnt
great for many but amazing for me..she might just another
female for the world but an angel for me...today i just own
nuthing ..nuthing stands mine in the fight of life i have jus
known to be loose jus loose..and jus somewhat survived
somewhat i feel the day of final assault shall be over..
i shall just stand alone..on my death bed and loads of regret
nuthing more i gona take to hell.....................

......

life is taking me to corners unexpected to a high unknown to a low which is unheard.
where i am stuck who knows.. i have forgotten my way in the path of life..confused i
stand..in middle of somewhere which terrain is somewhat familiars and the people
who move are the same everywhere blood sucking motherfuckers.. arounds me ..
but i stand lost in my own world in my own thoughts..where things are hypothetical
and me the paranoid to hunch to everything i have illusions i have .. but my illusion
are true...reality thinking about many say i am mad.. after years of making my blood
getting sucked by these fucker still my blood is warm and the fire of dreams burn in
me ..sometime in disbelief i look at myself ..where was this years back dormant in
fustration ..and intoxication of life today away from it in the high of myself n friendship
i realise something unknown which is the unknown high and low of life... words are not
enuf to explain thoughts are not enough to think .. mind isnt spiked to to do the undone..
i stand here in a nightmare to many but utopia to me... a bliss of life... what a man
has to loose when he has lost everything .. but still i had loads to loose... my dreams...
the world is not a dream world to many but to me it stand a nightmare..but aint nightmares
dreams ...how long people shall fuck me lies a question which swrill my mind coz its only
in matter of time people get even bored of fuckin the same slut or the slut who has being
fucked every hour of the day and every minute of life.. i am waiting for people fustration
and my rise..today i stand on a unusual state when people have believed that this man is
gone nuthing more to suck...but wrong as they r all these years the fire burn and the warmth
which all humanity cant take cause its invisible to many and visible to some who lies close to
my heart.. and have a place can feel the warmth of it.. all though my heart is pretty empty
loads of room lie there.. but i am happy with all i have them inside this heart they only
make it beautiful and the trust of them ignite the dormant and a feature to fight off the world
its my chance to seduce the bitch called life and never fuck her coz i am playin her game on her
today i am the master and i commander...i am the story teller...its my story its my stage the
world just an actor...

((all though this doesnt make much sense if u can make something out of it post a comment))

today somewhat i feel so complete and nice. the turbulance in me have suddenly clamed i have met a new person i.e me a new me.. things seems so clam the feeling after a nice joint .. i having the high of the life by reaching the highest possible happiness of loving myself more than the world.. no regrets stand the wall between me and the rising the sun.. all this is a illusion of mind or truth is something which time shall tell .. dont know when.. but whatever it is i am enjoying it.. hoping after a long time this moments would never end getting the best of mee.......

...

a lot in life goes unsaid and loads of relationships which goes unnamed and thoughts which go a waste.. but in these silence of self .. peace of mind and vaccum of nuthing lies the meaning of life..us and people.. who go unknown n unheard complicated in the uncomplicated life which the bounds set by us the society... i know go unknown in my journey .. meeting people unknowing know and have relationships so simple which becomes hard to realise...this is us me n everyone arnd life is beautiful never brand it to the dogmatism of the thoughts..

numb to voices

the voice of humanity,
the shouts of inhumans
to make their presence felt
to intoxication of which they dont care
but for the heck of it they want prove
the unproven... hidin from things
which doesnt matter lie ignorant to things
i stand with in the crowd a freaking allien to
everything dont get the buzz ...
my ear fall silent n i numb down but
an irritation go down my spine of thinking of
nothing but the meaning in this buzz of voices
what is it stand insecured lostness lonliness
of it... y dont i talk like the others do
y i am lyin silent between the commotion of
others are questions which i have no answer
for........

i am soo dead!

i found my downfall in my glory
i found my loss in victory
i found the fact why i am in pain?
i am not coz the world is after my arse
i am coz i am a stubborn bugger!
my ego took all away from me..!!??!!
my happiness my smiles and my victory
i stand victoriously lost in no where!
i am lost in the middle of somewhere
which i have nt know the way for..
the ego blinded me in my anger and rage
the miles i have walked is a waste
i am tired i am feelin the missing of
my love .. not of life but my best friend
i always was nothing without her..
today when she stands soo far away i can feel
her importance ... today i miss a ear to
tell my heart .. a lap to put my head to rest
and a shoulder to cry... or the pure feeling to
take care of someone.. jus coz of the simple
fact that i love her ... i am missing the innocent
smile .. i hate the devil in me the monster
who doesnt care abt the existence of the
humans arnd but jus itself...
caring for myself i have come soo far from everyone
else when today i turn there is jus a hollow space
and nuthing more...
i am sick of the hollowness of life and
my meaning less existence
my rebel cause is over i am left without a mission
and warrior without a mission is life a arrow
without a fucking target ...
nuthing seems right and nuthing seems wrong
all seems odd and fucked ... dont know when shall
i be out of my own fucking nightmare where
i am creator and i am the suffer i played
my own tricks of vurtuality on me
i showed myself down in pain when there was nuthing
arnd i am the first man who fucking fooled himself
guess i am real idiot for sure..
i dont where to start from where not to ....
to whom say a sorry or to whom to accept back
who was good or who was bad all seems to me
and vague picture of the sand which the water is
washing away... my tear broke my illusion as the
sand caslte are broken by the wave ..
coz all is a dream n in reality i stand in middle
of nowhere.. lost in my ownself my own mistakes
i think of nuthing
some on help my arse out of it my head is jammed!!!