i am soo dead!

i found my downfall in my glory
i found my loss in victory
i found the fact why i am in pain?
i am not coz the world is after my arse
i am coz i am a stubborn bugger!
my ego took all away from me..!!??!!
my happiness my smiles and my victory
i stand victoriously lost in no where!
i am lost in the middle of somewhere
which i have nt know the way for..
the ego blinded me in my anger and rage
the miles i have walked is a waste
i am tired i am feelin the missing of
my love .. not of life but my best friend
i always was nothing without her..
today when she stands soo far away i can feel
her importance ... today i miss a ear to
tell my heart .. a lap to put my head to rest
and a shoulder to cry... or the pure feeling to
take care of someone.. jus coz of the simple
fact that i love her ... i am missing the innocent
smile .. i hate the devil in me the monster
who doesnt care abt the existence of the
humans arnd but jus itself...
caring for myself i have come soo far from everyone
else when today i turn there is jus a hollow space
and nuthing more...
i am sick of the hollowness of life and
my meaning less existence
my rebel cause is over i am left without a mission
and warrior without a mission is life a arrow
without a fucking target ...
nuthing seems right and nuthing seems wrong
all seems odd and fucked ... dont know when shall
i be out of my own fucking nightmare where
i am creator and i am the suffer i played
my own tricks of vurtuality on me
i showed myself down in pain when there was nuthing
arnd i am the first man who fucking fooled himself
guess i am real idiot for sure..
i dont where to start from where not to ....
to whom say a sorry or to whom to accept back
who was good or who was bad all seems to me
and vague picture of the sand which the water is
washing away... my tear broke my illusion as the
sand caslte are broken by the wave ..
coz all is a dream n in reality i stand in middle
of nowhere.. lost in my ownself my own mistakes
i think of nuthing
some on help my arse out of it my head is jammed!!!