insane

one word "love" which changes the meaning of our existence..disolve the pains of the heart to joy and make me and many a new man...but that one word,one emotion,one moment...is all the time far from true ... everything is virtual i just exist in virtuality of life ..living in myself what love means what is it... how do i express it ... coz the 3 words makes many hopes and desires if true ... and breaks hearts if played with ... today i stand in many cross road insecured with life and my future.. this is my base where my career gets a push ... but i am alone yet connected to someone in my own thoughts.. the thought that i wont get hurt have brought me into the web of my own illusions...and today i faked the purest emotion to myself..love.. when i faked to me the happiness around or the seeing the beauty in everything it was all normal.. i dont know y i am faking to myself love..when i know there might be or might not be a connection..i fail to understand y i am soo insecured about life and things beyond..y i am scared of happiness y i am scared of smoles and y i am scared of joys... writting odd poetry abt love and beauty as i see them but i know there is a vaccum on my side i cant share it.. my heart has gone cold without the warmth of a hug...my forehead has dried up without a kiss... and my ears lost in the silence of life to hear the 3 words which makes me or breaks me.. my past doesnt leave to haunt me and present is nuthing amazing but i am sick of standing alone... all the words of hope "one day u shall find someone" makes so fucking sense to me this is all fake ... but then i dont have the guts to go and look out for and have to jus wait for someone to find me.. i dont know y i am soo weak here and i break like a glass shatter on a bed of cotton no sound but pure pain.. i am sick of drinking my own tears and feasting in my own pain when i know pain is something which is so not me .. i have lost the will to smile for me the whole fucking life is a fight ... a fight..which i have to win and show it to the world.. it wud have been nicer if i cud show it one and share it all with one but my hard luck doesnt seems to leave or go .. or is it me who makes my own illusions of hard luck my love and my pains and my fake smiles ..... nuthing but sadness haunts me i guess this post doesnt mean much to many but to me it means a huge confession from an idiot who has duped himself and the world in the illusions..god know why the fuck i have brain but no use of it......
(pls dont comment with something i already know actually dont lemme die in my own insanity)

love...

in love again nuthin more or less to say...
with whom the beauty of life...needless to
say one thing that wud never leave u and
go a passing thought passed to no where
in a world where its gonna loose its meaning
but still in my small ways i am happy man
in life when in love something close by
the tears n pain jus seems a de tour to the
bliss of life....

temple of death

sitting in the temple of death the temple
where we worship the dead and free the
moral body to the heaven above,away from
the humanity....
i sat in of those temple ...today everything
was a haze ...the smell of the burning flesh
on the wood and the ingredients of so called
purity ...
the ashes which lie of the mortal body around
i heard the howls of humanity from up close
more for from some one else heart who didnt
matter to me ... but somewhere inside invoked
the thought in my head who mattered but are
gone so far...infinitely stuck in some dimension
of time...
sitting by the temple of thoughts are jus stroming
in my head about life death regret and ifs and buts
...but the answers lies in realisation so unknown to
my mind...questions is again what i am left ......
to which answer are kept in the maze of time....

unknown world

the noise of the silence around me
is getting on my nerves for reasons
so unknown rather know but i wont
accept that the vaccum of my own
life is sucking me away from my
smile from what i am rather what
i used to be ! life is not the same
the bird of my dreams seems to be
in a silent sky .. the world where he
is flying in darkness of time and
vision is lost all insecured in the
lapse of vision....the blindness of
the eyes is just not the eyes but of
the mind ... the closing down of it
to all... dont know why but its closed
to the mankind ... but the silence is
a noise who's pain in the ear cant
be explained in words ... of my small
knowledge of my self... things of
happiness i have left in the fear of
being happy and things of sadness
and pain i have taken guess pain
gave me an identity of sorts which
i realise not true coz my mind can
be in pain but the heart cant the
heart see the beauty in everything
stuck into the mystery of time it
doesnt see the ugliness ..............
the bird of my dreams is stuck in
the duality of my mind and the
duality of the crash of the extremeness
of human existence confused between
the illusion myth and the truth
realively my ways of thinking make
them what they are dont know where
i am guess its true i have lost my way
into an unknown world..........!!!!........

bird

sometimes i dream or rather day dream all the time
about one thing which i envy soo much a bird
flies free without any bound in the deep
blue sky .. wing wide open the fresh breeze gushing
the face the thought of it gives a high of a life time..
i wish i could play with the coulds .. take a bath in the
fountain ... fly to the most beautiful place on earth
to people i wanted to be and to places where i can jus
relax..coz the world would my play ground a game soo
exciting which excitment can never die out i jus wish
i could be a bird.....to whom there is no boundaries
or no distance too long ... life which i can dream of
seeing the land unknown and sleeping in the calmness
of the moon and stars i dream of a bird ...the bird of reality
the bird of my dreams .....

life .. of an unknown

today i dont know why an odd thought passes my head
which talks about the dead and the alive and death in
living through in a each and every day of our existence
which is so true..today when i stand blamed by loads of
people that i killed their dreams .. their happiness a
question arouses in my mind am i so bad??? ??????
guess i am pathetic for the whole humanity around me
to even spit of me and go..coz i am dream killer i kill
people internally i harm them coz not i wanted to but jus
like that may be a mistake ... may be i am mistake
hence all the things follows a bloody mistake in my
existence ... somewhere down i keep people away from
me i wanna save more people coz the sound of the silence
of the death n half dead is eating my existence around
i dont know where i can get some peace in the world
where everyone is a man ready to blame the next for
all the bad i have no one else to blame even coz i stand
alone..in the crowd of millions their tounge so allien
their attitude so unknown god when u made me a mistake
then y did u give me eyes to see this indifference and ear
to hear this unbearable silence ... i am alive coz i am
breathing death wont make a difference but i am stuck
cant any one jus free me out of all thiss....................